ISIS

I heard of Isis on the fourth of July

But I could not believe it was true for too long

So I grew a long beard and flew into the sky

For middle of the east, to sort right out from wrong

I came to a low place of anger and joy

The difference was carved into everyone’s face

The plane dropped me off, I walked up to a boy

I said I had some history I needed to erase

He called to a man who was ancient and scarred

I knew right away he was not understated

He said, “Are you lookin’ to decode something hard?”

I said, “I think so.” He said, “It’s all overrated.” 

We set out at noon for the heat of the dunes

I gave him some blue jeans and he gave me his word

I said, “Where we goin’?” He said we be back by June

I said, “That’s the best news that I’ve ever heard.” 

I was thinking about Iraq, I was thinking about Saddam

I was thinking about Bush and the world’s biggest drone

As we trudged through the sand like a satanic prom

I was thinking about ISIS and how they too had a home

How they told us that one day they’d nuke us to hell

And things would be different when they ruled the land

If they only could make propaganda to sell

But ours is so slick and so rich and so grand

We came a suburb all embedded in sun

He said, “There’s a man here who you need to shoot

If you take this man out then this war will be won

Just dump his body at sea” — I said, “that seems too cute”

The wind it was howlin’ and the heat was outrageous

We searched through the night and we searched thought the dawn

When he died I was hoping that it wasn’t contagious

But I made up my mind that I had to go on

I broke down a door, but the compound was empty

There was no man, no nothin’, I felt I’d been tricked

When I saw my companion was just being crazy

When I followed him here I must’a been sick

I grabbed his arms and I dragged him inside

I covered him up with a blanket and a skillet

I sang a quick song and I felt satisfied

Then I rode back to find ISIS just to curse it and kill it

They were there in the desert where the oil still flows

Surrounded by guns and in need of some food

I came in from the west with the sand in my toes

I struck them one time, then I took all their crude

They said, “What’s your deal?” I said, “I am special”

They said, “You look angry.” I said, “That’s my flow.”

They said, “You been wrong.” I said, “So have you.”

They said, “You gonna quit?” I said, “Never. No.” 

Isis, oh, Isis, you’re a mystical crew

What scares us in you is what makes us a lie

I still can remember the way that you grew

As the fireworks flew on the fourth of July

THE MOST QUALIFIED CANDIDATE IN HISTORY

the most qualified candidate in history

she's a mystery

all the time

she’s got money

she’s got money on her mind

the most qualified candidate in history

secretary misery

once upon a time

she’s got money

she’s got money on her mind

boo boo boo boo boo

she’s always changing up her hair doo

baa baa baa baa 

she gets in sticky situations

boo boo boo boo

she got a record reputation

she’s always saying something but she’s never saying nothing at all

the most qualified candidate in history 

she’s got money

she’s got money on her mind

THE ART OF THE DEAL

The art of the deal

Do some qualudes & steal  

In the 80s there were ladies and lines

There were shakers and movers

Check book bakers and boozers 

Groovers groovin’ to the wall street grind

The art of the deal

Order takeout every meal

Mind the market, hit your target, get your prize

Both the bear and the bull, what you wear gets you pull  

In the restaurants where the well to do dine

They say greed is good and they’re right about that  

At the drop of a hat, it could all be gone

All gone

The art of the deal

Go with your gut, do what you feel

Just groovers groovin’ to the Wall Street grind

They got money, they got money on their mind

They got money, they got money on their mind

DIMINISHING NUMBERS

I didn’t die in the epidemic

I stayed alive for awhile

I moved along the Mohawk river

I lived along the Mohawk river

I got along

A refugee showed up and said

They want an alliance

We were mourning our dead

We killed the refugee

We killed the refugee

We killed the refugee 

And we’d do it again

This is a war

This is a war

Whose side are you on? 

What are you fighting for?

Why are you fighting? 

We attacked the southeast

Took six hundred captives at least

Then they killed our leader

So we took ‘em out

We destroyed them

And their allies attacked us

And it went on and on and on and on

Diminishing numbers

And out of supplies

We accepted their offer

But it just wasn’t right

And then over time

Diminishing numbers

On the mohawk river

Diminishing numbers

On the Mohawk River

Diminishing numbers

Diminishing numbers

Diminishing numbers

HIKIKOMORI

Hikikomori

I don’t know anymore what I should do

I don’t know anymore

Hikikomori

I don’t know anymore what I should do

I don’t know anymore

I don’t know anymore

Hikikomori

I don’t go anywhere

I don’t go anywhere

Hikiomori

I don’t go anywhere

I don’t go anywhere

Hikiomori

I don’t go anywhere anymore

I don’t go anywhere anymore

Just leave me alone

Leave me alone

Leave me alone

I don’t know anymore

I don’t know

I don’t know

I don’t know

Hikikomori

I don’t know anymore what I should do

I don’t know anymore

Hikikomori

I don’t know anymore what I should do

I don’t know anymore

Hikikomori

I don’t know anymore what I should do

I don’t know anymore

IT’S OKAY, IT’S FINE (MOST OF THE TIME)

Whichever way you wanna be, be that way be that way be that way

Whichever way you wanna go, it’s okay, go that way go that way

Whichever way you wanna be, be that way

Whichever way you wanna go, go that way

It’s okay, it’s fine (most of the time)

Lady got a walking stick and a lady to lean upon

Man I met last night was almost dead

Cluster here got drunk and sick, cluster there got a bone to pick

We’re hungry and we’re hunting

We’re hungry and we’re hunted

Whichever way you wanna be, be that way be that way be that way

Whichever way you wanna go, it’s okay, go that way go that way

Whichever way you wanna be, be that way

Whichever way you wanna go, go that way

It’s okay, it’s fine (most of the time)

There is dog shit on the streets of America

There is human shit also on the streets

I haven’t been to Tokyo, but I would like to someday go

And see what kind of shit is on their streets

Oh! I wanna see what Japanese shit looks like

I’ll even smell it!

I wanna smell Japanese shit

Whichever way you wanna be, be that way be that way be that way

Whichever way you wanna go, it’s okay, go that way go that way

Whichever way you wanna be, be that way

Whichever way you wanna go, go that way

It’s okay, it’s fine (most of the time)

I don’t need a jury or a justice

I don’t need a judgement from on high

I cannot speak for God above, but I believe in endless love

And I believe that humans beings can make it

Oh!

Yes, I believe that human beings can make it

Whichever way you wanna be, be that way be that way be that way

Whichever way you wanna go, it’s okay, go that way go that way

Whichever way you wanna be, be that way

Whichever way you wanna go, go that way

It’s okay, it’s fine (most of the time)

It’s okay, it’s fine (most of the time)

It’s okay, it’s fine (most of the time)

ON 9/11

On 9/11

I was still in heaven

I was still in trouble

I was still in love

I was in paradise

Too much paradise

So much paradise

You have to close your eyes

So much paradise you have to close your eyes

On 9/11

I was smoking cigarettes

I used to smoke in New York

When I lived there for a little bit

A couple months before 9/11

We were all unemployed

We were girls and we were boys

We didn’t think about justice

We didn’t think about pain

We didn’t think about torture

Or who was to blame

We believed in each other

We were simple and strong

We were young independents

We were all strung along

On 9/11

I can’t say I was scared

I was in paradise

So much paradise

So much paradise

You have to shield your eyes

On 9/11

On 9/11

You have to shield your eyes

All words written by John Elliott 2016.

I. Pissin’ on Plants in the Suburbs

i. Pissin’ on Plants in the Suburbs

I’m pissin’ on plants in the suburbs
I’m pissin’ on plants in the suburbs
I’m pissin’ on plants in the suburbs
I’m pissin’ on plants in the suburbs
I’m pissin’ on plants in the suburbs
I’m pissin’ on plants in the suburbs

And the newsman and the paperboy
And the bureaucrats and Ned were for the war
So they sat around and they talked a bit
Then they slept on it and agreed to not agree
It’s not for me

I’m makin’ it count in the suburbs
I’m addin’ it up in the suburbs
I’m kickin’ some ass in the suburbs
I’m takin’ you out in the suburbs

And the newsman and the paperboy
And the bureaucrats and Ned were wrong before
So they sat around and they talked a bit
Then they slept on it and agreed to not agree
But I said that Pete’s been to the war and Pete says:

“We gotta make it out, we gotta make it up again
You should come to my place and look at my swords
You should come to New Jersey, you should come and meet me
You should come and look at my swords”

Pete says it’s a tradition over there
Pete has confident eyes and nervous hair


ii. Where I’m From

Where I’m from we kick the can in cul de sacs
We cheer when the marines attack
We go to the boat show
Where I’m from we know to take it slow
Where I’m from I never met a black guy
I never knew a Jew
Maybe one or two
Where I’m from

I was doin’ it right in the suburbs
Sleepin’ all night in the suburbs
Livin’ the dream in the suburbs
I was happy to be in the suburbs
Keepin’ it clean in the suburbs
Livin’ the dream in the suburbs

The neighbors came to call
We had a ball, we had it all

Now the time’s tick tockin’
We’re criss crossin’ the planet
Having sex and drinking water
Eating food and drinking water


iii. We All Fall

I was so surprised when trouble came
(And we all fall)
She had pretty eyes and a pretty name
(And we all fall)
I was such a sorry sight to see
(And we all fall)
Everybody tried to bury me
How did we get so low?
We were beautiful you know, we had it all
We had a ball

Now the time’s tick tockin’
We’re criss crossin’ the planet
Having sex and drinking water
Eating food and drinking water


iv. People and Their Problems

People and their problems: mosquitoes, ducks and swallows
We hold each other up and then we all fall down
 

II. Charlie

i. Charlie

Look to the high hills, pace yourself Charlie
All in good time my dear
Sometimes at night when the campsite is quiet
I pick up his leg and I kiss it
And I miss him

Charlie’s a soldier, a virgin, a sweetie
A buddy, a memory, a cripple
Charlie’s a junkie, a bookie, a banker
A silent consumer, a thanker
He got a face, he got a place
He got a calendar and he crosses off each day
He counts down to his grave and every month he saves
A little bit, a little bit more
But Charlie what’s it for?
Charlie what’s in store?
Charlie’s keepin’ score, but…

Charlie don’t believe in it no more
Charlie’s grown accustomed to the war
Charlie doesn’t wish for all that much
Perhaps some season tickets and a cabin
Perhaps some season tickets and a cabin


ii. One Penny Can Help (Sha La La La)

Sha la la la sha la la la
Sha la la la la la la la la la la la
Sha la la la Sha la la la
Sha la la laSha la la la la


iii. Tonight he’s in the Trenches

Tonight he’s in the trenches with his dog
His trusty, rusty dog
Charlie named him Charlie

And shots ring out
And Charlie shouts
And Charlie barks
And Charlie’s hit
Charlie sniffs
Charlie moans
Charlie goes for help


iv. Charlie the Dog

What a good boy, what a good boy, what a good boy
What a good boy, what a good boy, what a good boy
What a good boy, what a good boy, what a good boy
What a good boy, what a good boy, what a good boy

My name is Charlie, Charlie the dog
Charlie alert
Charlie is hurt
They got him with bullets, with quote unquote bullets
Proverbial bullets, ridiculous bullets
One of his legs is lost
The other leg came off
One of his legs is lost
The other leg came off

What a good boy, what a good boy, what a good boy
What a good boy, what a good boy, what a good boy

Dogs are so funny, they’re almost like humans
It’s almost as if they’re trying to tell us something


v. Charlie Reminds Me of Charlie

Charlie reminds me of Charlie
Charlie is chomping at the bit
Charlie is already dead
Finally got what he wanted


vi. Charlie (reprise)

Charlie’s a soldier, a virgin, a sweetie
A buddy, a memory, a cripple
Charlie’s a junkie, a bookie, a banker
A silent consumer, a thanker
Charlie’s a dog
Look to the high hills, pace yourself Charlie
All in good time my dear
Charlie’s a dog
Look to the high hills, pace yourself Charlie
All in good time my dear

What a good boy what a good boy what a good boy what a good boy such a good boy Charlie such a good boy such a good boy what a good boy what a good boy such a good boy Charlie

III. Ned

i. Ned

Out where drew drops drip in New York state
There lives a smallish man
He reasons not his face or place
He cares not for the terror of our times
He spends his mornings reading books
He smokes a wooden pipe
He reasons not the health defects
He cares not for an entertainment center
While his neighbors surf the internet
He drinks and mows his lawn
He reasons not of fax machines
He cares not for your web address or number

And so it was and so it went
For forty plus odd years
Ned the hillside valley soul
Ned the odd man out, the next-door weirdo


ii. I’m Your Grocer

I’d be lying if I said that I knew him
But I blew him from time to time
See by day I’m your grocer, you’ve known me for years
By night I’m a cock suckin’ queer
There’s a guy like me in every dime store
The fag whore, the cum guzzlin’ ass muzzlin’ dude
And the town was a small one, population 400
I plugged every butt hole but two
And as you can imagine, I kept pretty quiet
I never let on what I did
And Ned, by the way, wasn’t dirty or lonely
A once-a-month blowjob was all


iii. He Was a Wonderful Man

Yes, it’s safe to say Ned was a topic at table
Everyone thought he was odd
He never got angry or purchased a paper
He cooked all his meals at home

He was a wonderful man
He was a wonderful man
He was a wonderful man


iv. The Day That It Happened

On the day that it happened I had an appointment
To suck on Ned’s dick after twelve
I put on my shoes and I slathered my hands
With ointment to slather Ned’s cock

I stopped on the stoop to admire the view
A lazy July afternoon
Across on the hillside was Ned sitting outside
Also enjoying the view
I waved and he waved, I stepped onto the road
I never got further than that
The rocket came fast, flew in with a flash
Exploded and blew off my hat

I gathered my senses and rose to my feet
The townsfolk were chattering loud
I gazed at the chasm to check in with Ned
And saw the great nuclear cloud


v. The Commander

Then a bugle did sound and assaulted the town
Announcing the army brigade
They crested the hill in their jeeps and their tanks
Waving American flags
The Commander rose up with a bullhorn and spoke
He said:

“People of Valley View, listen!
We are the good guys, we are on your side
We tested a missile shield and failed.
Now do not be frightened, it’s not what it looks like
This mushroom plume is a ruse.
It’s a shock and awe tactic to scare off the evil,
Your tax dollars working for you!
Now tell us, you citizens
Tell us, you friends
Did anyone live in this spot?
The rocket’s not toxic, but fire is fire
This person is probably dead.”

He made his announcement so matter of factly
That nobody batted an eye
They shrugged and dispersed like satisfied dogs
Content that their country was winning

I ran to the nearest jeep shrieking and weeping
I threw myself onto the ground
The sergeant called out to the sergeant
Who called to the captain, who called the commander
He sauntered to me, he spat on my shoes
He asked for my job and my name
I couldn’t respond, I was sad about Ned
And his many guns terrified me

“Well speak up and answer, what are you, a fairy?!”

He pushed his pate into my pate
His dogmen surrounded, the siren was sounded
The townsfolk remaining retreated
And I mustered up none but a feeble refrain
Over and over again

He was a wonderful man
He was a wonderful man
He was a wonderful man


v. Crucifixion

They strung me up high and they crucified quick
I’m closer to Ned every hour
The townsfolk ignore me as children implore me
To tell them the tale of Ned
I start at the start and with all of my heart
I spin it with fabulous ease
How Ned from the valley lived neatly and sweetly
And died in a test of our missile defense
From a rocket wound paid for by us

IV. The Ballad of Wallace Green and His Dog

i. Wallace Green

From just outside of Birmingham, a man named Wallace Green
He’s got a dog he loves who loves him back
And a pick-up painted green
Been in the desert for four years
On probation for four months
He’s got a lawyer from the state who’s always late
And he’s got some land back home
But he won’t get back to it
And he won’t see the sun again
When they take him in and they get a closer look


ii. Wallace Out West

Wallace came out west to meet a girl
Took his time along the way
She was thinner in her picture, he decided he should stay
Taught her children to be proud
Cleaned ‘em up and set ‘em straight
Gave ‘em something to believe, filled up their plates
But all the men he met didn’t treat him with respect
They called him slow, they made him mean
And Wallace Green says:

“It doesn’t matter why it is, it doesn’t matter if it’s wrong
It only matters that it is and it’s been goin’ on a bit too long.”


iii. Wallace Hears a Buzzin’ Sound

There’s only so much that a man can take before he breaks
It happened one night, it happened so fast
Wallace don’t remember what went down
He knows he heard a buzzin’ sound
And he woke up next to dead tied to a hospital bed
With four felonies to his name
It’s a dirty game and he got a piece of it


iv. Wallace’s Dog

That dog was desperate when he found her
Hunger sick and danger thin
Caked in shit, he cleaned her up, washed off the blood
And took her in
Wallace learned to love her quick
Gave her a name he thought would stick
He lets her out, she feeds herself, she leaves the bones
And every night back home she’s sleepin’ at his feet
It’s all that either of them needs
It’s a perfect scene
But it’s over now for Wallace Green


v. It Doesn’t Matter Why It Is, It Doesn’t Matter If It’s Wrong

He was out on bail when he found
That his dog was in the pound
He had a week to get some cash
Or they were gonna put her down
He called his ma hopin’ that she could help him out
She had some money down south, she went it west
And Wallace said it’s good she did
‘Cause he’d come after who killed her if they did
And he’d hurt him hard
He wouldn’t laugh or frown
He’d hunt him and he’d bring him down
Take the body back to town
Put it in his pick-up truck
Prop it up and drive it around

‘Cause it doesn’t matter why it is and it doesn’t matter if it’s wrong

It only matters that it is and it’s been goin’ on a bit too long

All words written by John Elliott 2008.